English: Portrait of Alexander Graham Bell Fra...

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 Opinion:

November 22, 2005

            My good nature and my sense of self I owe to the authoritative parenting I received in my formation to adulthood. My success as adult I attribute to the fortunate turns of events that allowed for the liberty to live under authoritative nurture.

            The nurture I received came from my parents; I was not belittled or treated as immature. Autonomy was given through adaptive control techniques with high acceptance and involvement. Firm and reasonable expectations from parents, school, army cadets, and the community at large worked together to produce a sense of adventure, and reasonable risk taking with the appropriate autonomy. This I attribute in part, to a general disposition of desire for a better life, for our generation after the Second World War. The competence created in myself gave me the ability to excel moderately in many societal positions.

            I am truly grateful that the authoritarian approach with its coercion and low acceptance was not my experience while growing up. This I believe could have made me into a critical and unhappy person, gaining self esteem through the misfortune of those about me. Putting people down to add to my own success, would I think, have produced a person unattractive to myself, giving me low self esteem, with possible aggressiveness? Force and punishment are the stuff of poor relationships, something I do not regard as the best lifestyle to have.

            Overly permissive nurture fortunately was not my lot. I enjoyed the firm and fair structure of a reasonable home, school, and four years of army cadets, where I excelled. Those in my experience did not lack the confidence to be involved in my life directly or peripherally. My decisions, while early in chronological time, fit my emotional and intellectual maturity. This produced early success in work, family, and social life. Impulsiveness and rebellion have not been my experience. This gives me a peace that is attractive to those socially involved with me. I have many friends that enjoy a relationship with me, one that’s secure, stable, and sincere.

            Some of my acquaintances had formative experiences where their lot was of being uninvolved with parents and overseers. The uninvolved style was sometimes in part due to single parenthood, the disruptiveness this style caused hindered their cognitive development. One even went to jail, as his emotional makeup and his social skills prevented him from making the right responses at the right time. I am exceedingly glad this was not part of my experience or that of any legacy to my children’s children.

            A professor of mine gave an example of an authoritative parent trying to show a miscreant child how to have empathy for a marked up wall. She did this by personalizing the wall, giving it feelings. This fits my experience with authoritative nurturing as it leaves room for the child’s autonomy. When the child’s empathy causes her to take responsibility for her actions it does so without the unreasoning obedience of the authoritarian nurturer, the looseness and second guessing of permissive nurture, or the overstepping of age and emotional maturity resulting from an uninvolved nurture relationship.

            To conclude, whether it’s a marked up wall, serious rebellion, or dysfunction the best form to nurture is the authoritative style. This gives both the nurturer and the nurtured a secure platform to be autonomous and live in a community where understanding of self and others are critical for success. People that model the attributes of authoritative nurture and the confidence, with autonomy, that they bring should be highly valued in society; valued, extolled, and emulated. They know how to be successful; their competence and confidence can and should be transferred to others.

Today in history, January 25, 1881

Thomas Edison and Alexander Graham Bell form the Oriental Telephone Company.

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